So, you’ve had a baby a few months ago. You’ve experienced nearly 10 months of pregnancy, seen your mid-section stretch to gazillion times its normal size, endured intense pain (whichever way you gave birth), and been a teensy bit freaked out as your body metamorphosed into a dairy.
You’re probably just emerging from that post-baby haze of sleepless nights and frequent feeding and are now a world expert on baby settling routines. So, why don’t you fit into your pre-pregnancy jeans yet, hey? Why isn’t your stomach as flat as an ironing board? Why aren’t you running a fecking triathlon? All the celebrity mums are…
Why didn't you start training and dieting two weeks' after your baby was born, like Jessica Alba did? Or work out four times a week to lose your weight super-fast, like Gwen Stefani? Oh, that's right. You have a baby to look after. And are minus a nanny to look after her while you're spending hours at the gym. Not to mention you have to do the housework, find some time for your husband and other children, and maybe (just maybe) spend half an hour sitting down before you fall down.
Or, why didn't the extra kilos just melt off, like they did for Angelina and Naomi Watts, from breastfeeding and running after the kids? Really, there are no excuses for why you're still carrying a muffin top.
I know this has been blogged about countless times before, but magazines persist with these features, and they piss me off EVERY SINGLE TIME! New mums are dealing with enough complex emotions without being confronted by magazines shouting “Best Star Bodies After Baby!” as if it’s some kind of competition who can slim down the fastest.
I know some women are lucky enough to have breastfeeding take care of their post-baby weight (I was with my first but with my second I'm firmly still in muffin top territory nine months' later) but they're in the minority. Can't we give ourselves, our bodies, and our babies a break and take some time to get back to "normal"?
Thank goodness for Salma Hayek, whose honesty I admire. She said "It takes you nine months to get it, and nine months to lose it. There are shortcuts, but it's not good for the baby." Amen, sister.