Ever had one of those brilliant 2am ideas that just won’t leave your head until you’ve written it down? Happened to me last night…a fantastic idea for a new reality TV program (based loosely on some other show to do with cooking).
I call it “MasterMum…the search for Australia’s best amateur mother”. The premise is that contestants must compete in a series of challenges until just one MasterMum remains. While still in development, here are just a few of the challenges…let me know what your MasterMum tests would be!
The scenario: It’s 5pm on the day before payday. The kids are feral and you only have the following ingredients in the pantry and fridge: three-day-old bread; rice bubbles; baked beans; yoghurt; chocolate; wine; milk and cheese.
Your challenge is to make an edible and nutritious dinner for the entire family in 30 minutes.
Points are lost for any food spat out, smeared on walls, or for point-blank refusal to eat.
Mystery Handbag challenge
The scenario: You are being a good mother and have taken your kids to the park instead of sitting them in front of the tv for an hour. Suddenly, the baby does an explosive nappy and you dig in your handbag only to discover you have left your wipes at home.
You must clean the hideous mess using only the contents of your handbag. You empty it to reveal: an old, scrunched up used tissue; several bandaids; a felt tip pen without a lid; a small notebook; a dried up tube of lipgloss; a nappy; two nappy bags; approximately 20 receipts; and a spare pair of underwear for your two-year-old.
Points are lost for swearing and any leakage of nappy contents onto clothes (theirs’ or yours’.)
The scenario: Your baby is currently staying up for around two hours before channelling Linda Blair from the Exorcist and needing to be put back to bed.
You must complete the following challenge within 120 minutes: get baby up; change nappy; breastfeed or bottle baby; make sure handbag has all necessary equipment for supermarket trip (purse, nappies, etc); run around trying to find baby’s hat; put hat on baby’s head; get baby in car; drive to supermarket; buy contents of shopping list while keeping baby happy in trolley; pay for groceries while making silly faces at baby to stave off tired grizzling; pack groceries in car; drive home; take baby back inside house; run between house and car unpacking shopping bags; put cold items in fridge and freezer while jiggling baby on hip; check baby’s nappy; change if necessary; put baby to bed.
Points lost for each supermarket tantie and for baby falling asleep in the car on the way home.
Whoever emerges unscathed, free from food and poo, and with some semblance of sanity wins!