Tuesday, June 2, 2009

If I could invent anything...

It's Blog This Challenge 2: "If I were to invent something to make life easier or more fun for me...and WHY.. "

When I first saw this challenge, I didn't even have to think about what my invention would be - my friends and I have often joked that an 'anti-waiting-device' would be the perfect solution to my overly impatient nature. But events this week have made me change my mind.

If you're a regular reader, you'll know that my youngest daughter, Sophia, was born at 30 weeks and has had a hard time of it. You'll also know that we spent all day Saturday in Emergency with our second case of bronchiolitis so far this year (and it wasn't even winter then!)

So, what I'd invent to make my life (but, more importantly, Sophia's life) easier is something to take the hurt away. My beautiful wee girl has known more pain in her short life than many adults. She has suffered intubation just to keep her alive; oxygen headgear worn 24 hours a day for weeks and weeks to help her breathe; transfusions; medications; injections...so many invasive and painful procedures.

Sometimes, the tears spring unbidden when I hold her tiny hand, and notice the faint scars which are badges of the hardship she's already experienced. I remember cupping her tiny head in the palm of my hand...the twig-like limbs that jerked and strained against the tangle of wires that were her lifeline. But most of all, I remember her feistiness; her determination to fight... even when she hardly had the energy to breathe.

As a mum, I wanted to absorb all that pain. Fight the fight for her. Give her the comfort, the hours of nurturing and closeness that were her sister's welcome to the world.

I still feel that way. If I could choose be the one wheezing, coughing, struggling to take each breath - I would. But I can't. So I just hold her, and love her, and hope that's enough to see her through.

13 comments:

Bells said...

that would be a most worthwhile invention.

Mrs.P said...

What a beautiful idea. Great post.

Kristin said...

What a brave little munchkin and munchkin's Mommy. When my little man was having trouble breathing it tore me up. I can't imagine going through what you guys have been through. No little soul should have to experience hurt like that. I hope things look up for Miss Sophia for here on out!

Leila said...

Brilliant idea. Love to you & Miss Sophia ♥

carly_grace said...

this would be a definite must. i think this would be the best and im sure your not alone. lovely post.

hope she is feeling better!

stepforddreams said...

Definitely the best invention. Nothing hurts more than having to watch doctors "being cruel to be kind" to our children. I hope your little bunny is feeling bertter soon. When T had bronchilitis at 16 weeks it was so frightening. I'm sure you have tried this already but something they did in the hospital was place her over my knee and make cups with your hands and sort of play the drums on her back, it brought up a lot of mucous and she would find it easier to breathe and take ventolin.

bugmum said...

Thanks for all your kind thoughts and advice - she's doing much better - still a bit wheezy but the steroids and ventolin seem to be helping. She's a tough little cookie!

Iris said...

This is much better than an 'anti-waiting device' :-) I hope your tough little cookie is feeling better soon.

artificiallymythic said...

Brilliant idea.
I hope your little one is on the mend.

nellbe said...

Such a wonderful idea.

Lana said...

Summary of what I tried to post before.... My little man (now 8) was also 10 weeks premmie. I was not nearly as strong as he was as he endured 2 years of sickness, struggling, surgery and every conceivable invasive test I can think of.

He has NO memory of the pain and trauma he went through (and he was a very sick little premmie) and is full of life and happy as can be (although VERY thin...) . I still remember the pain but what is more important is that he doesn't and nor will Sophia.

But.... if you do invent something to take away the pain from our kids, I will be 1st, 2nd and 3rd in line.

Lana said...

oh and by the way - holding her and loving her is the only way to see her through. She knows you are there and that is what she needs from you. (I am still holding and loving my 8 year old through everything I can)

Tania said...

I so hope things become easier super speedily for you all.